After a month…

5/1/20

Dear Life~

I’m tired. And I’m afraid it’s the Benedryl I took because of my allergies.

On the upside of things, I finally annoyed the local surgeon enough to get a consultation scheduled on May 15th! Two weeks from today, exactly a month after I found out that I’m a mutant about my mutated BRCA 2 gene.

What I’ve learned a month into this:

  • Crying is normal. Gobs of crying—the snot sliding kind. Even though I don’t have cancer, it’s a crazy amount of information to take in and process.
  • I am blessed to have the time to process. Throughout reading other blogs and stories, my heart aches for those who find themselves in surgery or chemo within days of diagnosis.
  • My family comes first. Not my work. Not my hobbies. It’s important for me for all of us to understand what’s coming down the turnpike. This not only affects me, but those who I love. And who love me.
  • I hate asking for help. I’m not noble. I’m not holier-than-thou. I’m stubborn (and I can hear my husband laughing). It’s hard to count on other people, but I’m trying. There’s a friend making a super-duper important pillow. Another is offering food. I’m waiting for someone to offer to weed my garden…
  • There are times when information is a deep, dark hole and I don’t need it. Those are the times I turn on a movie or play my favorite games on my phone. I refuse to live in fear (see that stubbornness right there?).
  • God is way bigger than me. He knew I’d get this news right before my debut novel launched. He planned for the consult date to be on the EXACT day of the release. Hubby’s foot surgery thrown into the middle. And COVID, because that makes everything even more convenient.
  • Planners are awesome. I’m visual, so having a planner so I can write everything down is essential.
  • Others are in deeper trenches than I am. Different trenches. Hoo-rah to you! I’m cheering for you.

Never did I ever think that I’d type this out for someone to read. But here I am, dropping off paperwork for the local cancer center and talking about pillows for my gazelles. I’m going to make Disney recipes this weekend for anyone who wants to try beignets and the “grey stuff.” Pretty sure that I shouldn’t joke about diabetes at this point…

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